Forgive others seventy times seven times?!

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Forgive others seventy times seven times?!

Then Peter came and said to Him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. “For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves.…       Mathew 18:21-23

When I first read this verse in the Bible,

I did not fully comprehend the depth of its meaning,

because I thought to forgive someone meant to forgive everything he or she had ever done to you.

I believe that you were hurt by someone you loved before,
but you still always keep him/her deep inside your heart.

I thought that it was easy for me to forgive someone, because I had a relationship problem before when I was primary school student. I had a very close friend during my primary school time.

One day, we had argument and then we lost contact nearly one year. Eventually, I saw her and I realized that she study in the same secondary school with me. Then slowly we recover our relationship during our conversation and we find out misunderstanding happened in our relationship.

But this things is really different from love story, because I do not feel like want to apologize and take action to ask him to forgive me. At first, I think that he is not that bad person and gave lots of good memories to me. Slowly, I found out that he started to cheat and behave mysterious. He is not the people that I know before anymore. 

Sometimes I had a strong hatred for him, 

I hold strong prejudice against everything he had done, I keep finding his mistakes and bad habits, because I thought that it will make me feel better.

During that hard time, my life is really dark because my mind and heart was stained with contempt and hurt.

However, I realized that this kind of thinking is not good which displeases God greatly. Hence, it is a must for me to start praying to God for forgiveness and until now I still always keep him in my prayers. From my experience I know that this kind of relationship will easily get worse if I do not take concern.

Jesus said we need to love each other even though he or she is not cute and lovely at all, we still need to love them just like how we love ourselves and forgive them just like how Jesus Christ forgave us.

Dear Lord,

I pray to you because I really want to know when can I stop hurting and smile sincerely to the person who had hurt me. And please forgive me because I still do not fully forgive your lovely child. Give me strength and guide me always. For you are the only one who can heal my soul and heart.

God do listen to my prayer, 
He sent me so many angels and they are always willing to be my listeners;

They give me lots of strength and emotional support so that I could be motivated to face him and say “hello” to him with a smile and it also gave me the courage to ask him for forgiveness first.

However, 
I still hate him and the feeling of pains and sadness will still come back after I asked him to forgive me. I quite hate myself for this, and I feel disappointed that things just did not get back to normal because I really thought that I can love him as a brother in Christ and a friend after we had the same consensus about our relationship now.

I told myself that I have already done the best that I could do for this, but the situation still did not change much. Maybe only God can change him.

Forgive others seventy times seven times!

It doesn't mean that we count up to 490 times, and then stop forgiving him/her.
I found out that it held a deeper meaning than that,

We need to forgive them unaccountably.

ALWAYS REMEMBER TO LOVE 

And 
FORGIVE ANOTHER ONE

一个人也可以很好！

现实和想像是不一样的。
我以为我可以的，但我还是做不到。

我还是很期待我们的关系可以和以前那样做回朋友。
从今天看来我失败了。
心情低落，又哭了。
埋怨上帝 我还要为着同样的事影响自己到几时呢？

我想 发生过的事不能就这样当作没发生过。
该做的不该做的 都尽我的能力做了。
但还是没有什么改变，或许只有神能改变他吧！

有时我很讨厌他，不那么做出男人应该有的绅士。

想了又想 有点怀念以前中学的时候 没有烦恼 勇于做回自己。
但 现在 想法 都会受人影响而且都挺现实的。

我累了，真的！
很想一个人脱离这里。
接触新的环境，人事物！